


Eluded

by PaperThoughts



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, D/s, I'll give you a happy ending, M/M, Promise, Some light d/s, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-04-26 14:52:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperThoughts/pseuds/PaperThoughts
Summary: "Have you noticed anything odd about Sungyeol lately?"A laugh, sharp and mean. "When is he not odd?""No, I mean…watch him with Sunggyu-hyung. He always makes sure there are at least two people between them whenever they're in the same room... And he's not been eating well and I swear I see him going to the gym more than sleeping and-""Dongwoo-ah, who cares?"Right...who cares?





	1. Chapter 1

He remembered the moment this cold piece slid inside his chest and lodged home. They'd all been in a line, filming another episode of Weekly Idol and he remembered actually feeling comfortable in his own skin for once. They'd pulled his profile card and asked Sunggyu why he was smiling. There was a tense moment in Sungyeol's spine where he was prepared for a sharp barb at his expense, but then Sunggyu had said something so unexpectedly _nice_ he'd let his guard down. 

"I just like Sungyeol. He has a lot of charms." He'd been smiling in that charming way and Sungyeol had soaked in that moment of rare kindness from his leader with a real honest smile. Sunggyu and he had never really gotten along great at the best of times and compliments from him were few and very far in-between. He had been so shocked, he'd almost missed his cue to laugh when Sunggyu leaned over to ask him what his own charms were.

Tall was the first and he'd expected it because that was after all, what he'd been drilled to accept as his contribution to the group. Sungjong had tried to help, tossing out some accolades that sounded rehearsed, but felt good to hear, none-the-less. Then they'd asked what his shortcomings were and he let himself hope that he wouldn't get made fun of too much on national television. 

"A lot." Sunggyu hadn't even paused and Sungyeol forcefully held his smile in place, looking over and telling himself to take it in stride - it was just a joke. He was great at being the butt of the joke and he could do this to make the fans laugh and bring Infinite more exposure. But somehow, the words tumbled from Sunggyu's mouth like they were always there, waiting at the tip of his tongue.

"He's short tempered."

"He has a weak body."

"He complains a lot."

"He's a picky eater."

"He's addicted to coffee and cola."

"He snacks a lot."

"He never listens to his mom."

He looked down at his clasped hands as his leader listed off his faults one by one to the entire nation of Korea, feeling such shame in that moment it made it hard to swallow. It felt like it should have been funny, but no one around was laughing. Myungsoo had turned his back, focusing on something else in his own little world. Dongwoo was sleeping. Hoya and Woohyun nodded along absently and the whole thing felt so normal, so every-day, that he almost missed the way his hands began to tremble. 

"And his charms?" A pause - long enough that he held his breath. 

"He's tall." 

He barked out a laugh, looking over at Sunggyu but found him not smiling along. He'd thought maybe it was all just a planned gag but the serious look on Sunggyu's face said everything to him. He couldn't even come up with a lie for a charm. He felt so ashamed and stupid in that moment, he let the smile fall from his face. Stupid Sungyeol always hoping for the best and never preparing for the worst.

It wasn't just a joke. Sunggyu had meant his words and so strongly he had just called him out. His family, friends and their own fans would see this and see his failings and know what all of Infinite had known all along.

Weak…short tempered…untalented…childish Sungyeol. 

He pressed his nails into his palms to keep from showing a reaction, using any acting skill he had ever acquired to not show the shame pulsing in his chest like a living breathing thing. 

He'd heard it all before of course, from netizens online and articles calling out the useless member. He'd even heard it whispered between the members sometimes when they thought he couldn't hear. But, never before had he heard them told so flippantly to a camera while he was sitting an arms-length away. It shouldn't have stung so badly, hearing the truth from his leader. He knew all of these things were true. He just never thought his leader would purposely lay out all his weaknesses in front of the world so easily. 

He pressed his shaking hands together in front of him so it wouldn't show. He looked over at the hosts and his Hyung and tried to force something resembling a smile so he wouldn't humiliate Infinite again by looking like he was short tempered and weak. 

He vaguely heard Sungjong try to change the awkward atmosphere by listing positive things about him. He tried to look like he was engaged and in on the joke. He laughed when everyone else did, smiled brightly and nodded whenever he saw Hoya move his head. But the pressure of a new weight in his chest was so distracting. 

Long after they'd filed out to the van, bowing and thanking everyone for their hard work taping the show, he found himself sitting quietly in his room. Everyone else had gone out to eat, but he'd waved them off, citing a headache. As soon as the door to the dorms had closed, he sunk to the floor, allowing himself one more small moment of weakness. He clenched his fists and pressed them against his thighs, staring hard at the floor. 

Of course, Sunggyu had only spoken the truth. Why was he so upset? He knew everything he said was based completely in fact and it lit down his spine like ice. His fingers twitched with the urge to lash out but he pressed it down. 

_"weak"_ And down

 _"so fucking weak"_ And down

No more. 

No more weak and fiery Sungyeol - unable to be who Infinite needed. No more worthless and stupid, laughing loudly and making flippant jokes. No more. 

He stood, letting his arms fall by his side before taking one - two - three long deep breaths with his eyes closed. He pressed hard against the ache in his chest that told him he was wounded by Sunggyu's words, tingling like ice before it deadened to solid steel. He didn't know how long he stood there, just breathing. Just…compacting himself.

He heard a soft noise beside him before a hand took his own. 

"Hyung?" 

He allowed himself one more long slow breath before he slid his eyes open, unhurried and dark, staring back at his maknae's worried face. 

"Why are you just standing here?" His voice was calm, but Sungjong's eyes were peering at him like they could understand the universe if only he stared hard enough. But, Sungyeol felt the slow spread of cold from his steal ribcage down to his fingertips and for once in his life, felt nothing but calm. 

"Not to worry, Sungjong-ah. Everything's fine now." He reached out and loosened Sungjong's hand from his, letting it fall back before turning from their room and walking out to join the rest of the group. 

Everything was fine. 

 

\---------

 

Things had shifted for him. He still woke up and did his schedules, laughing along at tapings and dancing in formation whenever called upon - but the moment the cameras were off and eyes were no longer on him, his mind shut down. He felt a weight always now, a rattling in his bones that reminded him of a marble in a tin can. Sometimes he swore if he moved too much, the others could hear it. Could hear how empty he was inside. How worthless and uneasy in his own skin.

Weeks passed like that. If Myungsoo noticed a change, he didn't say anything, but Sungyeol noticed he found excuses not to be alone with him if he could help it. He leaned on Dongwoo at tapings and sat beside him during meals together, laughing at whatever the older hyung had said. He told himself it was ok. The sudden absence of anyone around him burned him alive from the inside out, but he held it back. Anything for Infinite. Anything to be better and not just weak, whiny Sungyeol.

The burn in his chest rose to life sometimes, making him catch his breath and close his eyes before he could press it down. He was sure someone was going to notice sooner or later, but he kept hoping it was later. 

_"Have you noticed anything odd about Sungyeol lately?"_

_A laugh, sharp and mean. "When is he not odd?"_

_"No, I mean…watch him with Sunggyu-hyung. He always makes sure there are at least two people between them whenever they're in the same room... And he's not been eating well and I swear I see him going to the gym more than sleeping and-"_

_"Dongwoo-ah, who cares?"_

He looked down at his shoes, jaw clenched and hands already attempting to encircle his own stomach in some kind of an unconscious protective gesture before he could stop himself. 

He forced his arms back to his sides, shaking his head. Fucking Woohyun. 

_"I'm worried he'll wear himself out."_

_"So why tell me?"_

Sungyeol leaned against the wall outside of the gym, letting his head fall back and his eye close slowly. He heard the unspoken question: "Why should I care?" 

_"Because he listens to you. And you know if Sunggyu thinks he's jeopardizing his health this close to a comeback…"_

He didn't continue. He didn't need to for anyone in Infinite to understand just what he meant. Weak fucking Sungyeol always doing the exact wrong thing at the wrong time. 

_"Fine, I'll talk to him and see if I can get through his stupid thick skull to eat and sleep so you stop worrying."_

_"Thanks, Woohyun-ah. You're a good friend to him."_

Sungyeol held in his scoff and pushed off the wall, purposely letting his shoes squeak against the floor as he came around the corner and pushed open the door to the gym. Two guilty looking faces met his, but he merely nodded once before walking to the dumbbells. He pretended he couldn't hear the whispering behind him, both trying to determine if he'd heard. He dropped his water bottle and slid in his earbuds, giving no indication to them one way or the other. 

Serves them right for gossiping when anyone could hear them. He turned on something loud and pulsing, picking up two moderately heavy weights and curled them up. He clenched his jaw as he felt the ache in his biceps from overworking them the day before and the day before that and the day before that but…

_"He has a weak body"_

He let the weights back down before curling back up again, ignoring the ache. He tensed his body as he saw a pair of shoes come into his vision. A finger encircled the cord on his headphone, tugging it out of one ear. 

"Yah, I was talking to you idiot." Woohyun's sour face came into his field of vision and he was suddenly aware of how quiet the room was without Dongwoo in it. 

"What do you want, hyung?" He tossed on the formality, though they both knew he didn't feel any kind of warmth towards Woohyun in that moment. Woohyun's eyes narrowed and he took a step closer, too close to be considered comfortable in Sungyeol's opinion.

"Yah you little shit, I came over here to show my concern for you and this is how you talk to me?' Woohyun said, crossing his arms over his chest in what he probably thought was an intimidating gesture. 

Sungyeol actually did scoff this time, leaning down to drop the weights to the floor. He pulled himself up to his full height, looking down a bit at his hyung. "Your concern has been noted. Hyung." 

He turned around to grab his bottle from the floor, fulling intent on leaving the small gym for some running outdoors where it would be decidedly Woohyun-free. A strong grip encircled his wrist and he froze at the contact. His body shivered involuntarily and he fought the urge to rip his hand back, knowing Woohyun would only see that as a weakness. He heard a small intake of breath and any hope of leaving with Woohyun not noticing his reaction was dashed. 

"What's wrong with you?" His voice sounded strange - a mix of wonder and contempt and it sucked all the fight of out Sungyeol. He let his arm fall slack in the grip, closing his eyes and trying so hard not to soak in the feeling of someone else's skin on his after so so long…

His grip tightened on Sungyeol's wrist, just hard enough so he could feel the edge of the fingertips leaving little imprints on his skin and a shudder so visceral made him bite his lip. Woohyun dropped his wrist like he was on fire and Sungyeol couldn't bear to open his eyes and see the look of horror and disgust on his face. 

"Get some sleep and eat something. You're worrying Dongwoo." It was barely audible over the sound of Woohyun's exit, the door slamming shut and making Sungyeol jump. 

Well fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes it all got to be too much. The weight in his chest sunk down hard and it pulled every bit of feeling and energy he had to make himself stand upright. It might have been a careless word, a poor performance - it might have been nothing at all. Something ate away at all the things that made him good and forced the sun from his eyes. 

Everyone had been busy in the studio and Sungyeol tried his hardest to keep himself under control. The memory of his hand heavy against his wrist was like an echo now and he fought the traitorous thoughts telling him he needed it again. He’d lived years without Woohyun bruising his skin. He survived for so long without the comfort that his touch brought. He could survive another week. Another day. Another hour. 

There was a small commotion from the living area and it roused him from his blank stare at the wall. He let his fingers slip from his arm where his nails had pressed into the skin, watching in awe at the small half moons left behind. He hasn’t even realized...

“Sungyeol...what are you doing?” It couldn’t have been more than a whisper, but it seemed to echo off the walls of his bedroom. Sunggyu took a step into the fading sunlight of pre-dusk, eyes not moving from Sungyeol’s arm.

“I wasn’t....it’s not what you think.” He sat up taller, trying to press back the weariness. “I’m not...doing that.” 

“Then what are you doing?” Sunggyu had his head tilted to the side, every ounce the leader in this moment. His question hung in the air and Sungyeol honestly didn’t know how to answer. What was he doing? Why did the feeling soothe him when it really shouldn’t have? Why were there always so many thoughts in his head and no way to get them out? 

“Sungyeol.” His head snapped up towards the deeper voice at the door. Woohyun looked back at him with dark eyes, body tense and taut. His eyes flicked down to his arm, small red crescents standing out against the pale skin. His “Go and wait in my room.” made his body move before his mind had even caught up. 

He avoided Sunggyu’s eyes and slid around Woohyun feeling like a thief in the night. The door clicked behind him as he let himself into Woohyun’s room, just barely holding his shaking limbs still at the center. He pretended he didn’t hear the low voices trying to make sense between them what they’d seen. 

God he was so fucked up. 

Right?

A soft shuffle at the doorway was all the warning he got before the front door slammed and silence filled the apartment. Woohyun cocked his head to the side as he eyed his tall frame. 

He knew. Out of all of his hyungs, Woohyun had the ability to see and ignore what he didn’t want to deal with. Unlike Howon who didn’t notice- unlike Dongwoo who couldn’t see and not act out of the goodness of his bleeding heart- unlike Sunggyu who couldn’t ignore things once they started to effect the group. Woohyun could see and ignore because he had the wherewithal to only selectively care. 

And Sungyeol never found himself inside that circle of being _noticed_ before. It made his stomach tighten and his shoulders slump at the same time. He fought the urge to defend his actions before he’d even been questioned. Woohyun just stood before him silently assessing and it drove him insane. 

“What do you want from me?” His voice was hoarse and his eyes dropped to his own pale wrist. It no longer carried the small finger shaped bruises from the week before. Over the last week,he’d found himself pressing against them just to feel the lingering pain- just to prove it wasn’t his imagination. “I have nothing to give you, hyung.” 

Woohyun was uncharacteristically quiet in that moment. His eyes lingered on Sungyeol’s hunched shoulders and his slightly bowed head, looking every bit the small scared thing he no doubt felt inside. 

“What I want...” Woohyun’s voice trailed off as he took a step forward. His fingers reached out to lift Sungyeol’s chin and make him hold his gaze. “Is to give you what you need.” 

Sungyeol’s eyes widened and he tried to back up and away like a startled animal but a quick hand, tight around his wrist stopped him. He fought the urge to shudder in the relief he felt. The warmth from Woohyun’s palm against the soft skin of his inner wrist washed up his arm and over his chest in something like a shudder. The grip slowly tightened in an echo of that night at the gym, and Sungyeol found his breath slowing down. He let his eyes slide shut when Woohyun’s nails pressed into his skin, leaving deep red welts in their wake. Something like peace settled against the rattling in his chest at knowing he’d be able to see the marks there for days- maybe even a week. 

“And you really do need this, don’t you Sungyeol?” He hadn’t realized Woohyun had pressed him back until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He sunk down, grateful to no longer rely on his own legs as Woohyun looked down on him. He fought the urge to drop his chin and nuzzle into his hand as Woohyun carded a palm through his hair. The feeling of warmth on his aching wrist made everything feel muddled and he found he didn’t want to fight anymore. When Woohyun’s hand gripped his hair and tilted his head back, he went willingly, feeling for the first time...small. 

“You’re not going to do this again. You’re not going to let it get this bad. You will come to me when you feel like that.” Woohyun’s words were soft but held no room for argument. Sungyeol found he didn’t have the energy to want to say anything but...

“Yes, hyung”. 

He must have said the right thing because Woohyun smiled softly and leaned down to press a kiss into his hair. He was struck with the unfulfilled feeling in his chest, unsure where it came from when Woohyun’s hand slid from his hair to the back of his neck. It sat heavy and his grip tightened, making all the air leave Sungyeol’s lungs in one long exhale. 

“Good boy.” 

His fingers spasmed against his thighs as a jolt of...something flared down his spine. He looked up at Woohyun, unsure what he was feeling or what Woohyun wanted from him. His gaze was dark, but Woohyun didn’t look angry. He looked...hungry? But no, that couldn’t be right...

“I thought so...” Woohyun leaned down and Sungyeol found himself unable to look away as he brushed his lips against Sungyeol’s own. His hand never once left Sungyeol’s neck and he found himself grateful for the solid weight there. It was grounding and he let his fingertips brush against Woohyun’s arm in a quiet thank you. His mind felt quiet for once and while he still didn’t know what was happening or what Woohyun wanted from him, he felt...calm.

That was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a snapshot of their beginning with all possibilities open. 
> 
> Much love to everyone for reading~


End file.
